Lying in Blech
You never want to wake up at 3 a.m. to the sound of a puking child.
Trust me, it’s a miserable experience and it was my experience last night. For some reason beyond our understanding Micah woke himself up getting sick, and that meant Gwynne and I got to spend an hour up with him cleaning and comforting. I felt so bad for the little guy standing in his crib with no idea what’s going on.
As we stayed up with him to make sure we wouldn’t be revisiting his dinner yet again (and while Gwynne figured out what to use as a sheet for the rest of the night) my groggy mind began to wander into the dangerous dark corners of a young parent’s imagination.
“What if this is something more serious and we don’t figure it out?”
“What if he throws up again and chokes on it?”
“What would I do if I walked in and he was not ok?”
As I looked at him in his footy pjs, playing with whatever toy he’d drug out of his toy box as though being up this late was exactly what we always do I thought, “I don’t know if I could have more than one kid, it’s just so much risk. I don’t know if I am capable of that much love.”
That’s when it hit me.
While my love seems limited and finite, while I can’t imagine how I could love yet another person with the sort of dangerous love that I now share with Gwynne and Micah, I see through Jesus a God whose love is able.
In some bizarre moment of clarity, in the middle of the night, I found in my limitations a deeper understanding of the statement that God is love.
The God Who IS Love
There are nearly 7 Billion people on this planet, and God’s heart pours out love for every single one of them. Despite the risk that they may choose not to love him but rather might choose to destroy themselves, despite the risk that they might ruin their own lives and totally reject one another, he still initiated the creation of a world that would be filled with people whom he loves. Each and every one of them.
I still can’t shake the feeling of awe and peace that it brings to think that God is, in his very nature, infinite love. I’m struck by the fact that though Christ the Spirit of that same God lives in me and makes it possible for me to love more fully, more deeply, and more like God loves if I turn my life to him and surrender myself. I want to know that life. I want to be shaped by the love of a Father who is willing to pick me up, even when I’m covered in my own filth, clean me off and teach me to love again. In that way my own stores of love might become never ending.
Have you ever experience a moment of awe in the reality of God’s love? How was your life different after that moment?